I just wanted to post a few quick pictures and wish everyone a Happy Halloween.  I love Halloween – carving pumpkins, dressing up, decoration and scary movies.  It’s so fun to celebrate with my boys and see the magic in their eyes.

Yesterday morning, we carved pumpkins together.  Elijah and Levi got so into it.

I made these cool halloween ties for my boys, so I just had to share a quick picture of them before we went to church this morning.

We dressed up as characters from the Wizard of Oz for Halloween.  So fun – I love it!

Happy Halloween!

The winner of the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer contest was Jenny Shepard.  I was excited to photograph Jenny’s family again (check out their newborn session and maternity session), since their family is super chill and plays together.  Their family is into all kinds of active things like skateboarding, snowboarding and surfing (in fact they own Billy’s Boardshop), so we definitely wanted to incorporate something that would show their personality.  We decided to do their family photo session at the local Monrovia skate park.

I’m so glad we did!  Check out this awesome family:

I can’t believe Tate is already a year old.  It seems like just yesterday I took his newborn pictures.  I can’t believe how big he’s gotten.

The two big boys played on their scooters.

While dad and Tate watched.

The three boys can barely all fit on the skateboard – they are getting so big.

Tim showed off a few tricks.  I like that you can see Billy’s Boardshop on the front.

I love love love this action shot of their family skateboarding.

Then we headed over to Monrovia Wilderness Park for a few last family shots.  Look at this beautiful light.

Look at these three handsome boys.  Ahhhh

And just a few last shots of mom and dad.  We had to bride the 3 boys with donuts to get a minute alone, but it was worth it.

Look how cute these two are!

I’m so glad you won the photo contest, Jenny.  It was amazing to photograph your family again.

After 6 months of training and fund raising, I completed the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer (click the links to see the original post and update and contest)!  I’m still in disbelief that I walked that far – 39.3 miles!

It took a lot of training.  We started walking 3-5 miles a week.  At the time, it seemed so far.  Before this I don’t think I had ever walked more than a mile or two at a time. We started getting up to 5, 6, 7 miles and it was daunting.  We would walk with our kids in the stroller (after completing stroller strides that morning) and take a path around Monrovia and Arcadia.  We would usually stop at a park in the middle to eat lunch and let the kids play.

I’ll never forget the day I was a little behind everyone else’s training progress, so I decided to walk 9 miles on my own.  It was after stroller strides (which is an hour long class of strength and cardio training).  I decided to pick up Elijah from preschool by Arcadia’s mall, which is about 4.5 miles form the Monrovia park.  I had Levi in the stroller and I was doing good, keeping up a brisk pace.  I picked Eli up from preschool and the other parents were impressed that I had just walked 4.5 miles and was ready to walk more.  What I didn’t anticipate was that the way back is slightly uphill.  And now I was carrying two kids!  With the added weight, I was already dragging after another mile.  So I took an emergency detour to my mom’s work along the way.  We stopped in to eat lunch at her office and I asked if she could watch the kids while I finish my 9 mile trek.  I wasn’t going to give up.  I walked the rest of the 3+ miles, but I was dying.  It was hot and I had to pee (which makes it very difficult to walk long distances BTW).  After the walk, I really started worrying about my ability to walk 39.3 miles.  It seemed impossible.

But I kept going.  About 2 months before our walk, we realized that we needed to do these long training walks on Saturday mornings, when our husbands could watch the kids (and it was a little cooler, which I liked).  We started with a 12 mile walk around the Rose Bowl.  We looped it 4 times that morning, and I was proud that I was walking more than most people on the track that morning.  But again, I felt like there was no way I could walk more.  But we did.  A couple weeks later, we walked 14, then 16, then 18 then 20, then 22 miles!  Each time, I was convinced there was no way I could have walked more miles that day.  The last 22 mile walk was so hard.  We did it at the beach along the board walk.  And I could tell from the very beginning that I was not feeling it.  Most days, I felt very energetic at least at the beginning.  But not that day.  My stomach hurt and I felt sluggish.  I had an ingrown toenail on one toe, which I didn’t realize until later would be the cause of very severe knee and hip pain by the end of my walk.  The last 5 or 6 miles was pure hell.  I limped along behind my teammates, barely making it to the car.  I was so depressed and didn’t have much faith in my ability to walk more than that.

Just two weeks after that awful walk, came time for the Avon Walk.  I was nervous that my toe, knee and/or hip hadn’t had time to heal, but there was no turning back now.  We had a team dinner the night before and that night, Brian and I stayed in a dump of a motel (that overcharged us!!).  We got up at 5am to get ready and head to the opening ceremonies.  It was dark when we arrived, and I was amazed at the thousands and thousands of people there for the walk.  After a short and inspirational opening ceremony, we were on our way.  I felt like a lamb to the slaughter.  You couldn’t see anything, just a sea of people moving you along in the dark, cold and misty morning.  Being trapped among everyone made us worry we were going too slow of a pace to finish the walk (they had “leave by” times at the stops, with a sweeper van picking up slow people).

Here we are at mile 3.15.  Brian and Elijah were at this predesignated “cheering station”.  They took pictures and generally cheered us along the route. (We are right in front of the group with white shirts)

The first half of day one (13.1 miles) was tough.  It was very hilly, with sometimes steep inclines.  We felt like our pace was a bit slow when we got to the halfway mark, barely in time for the posted “leave by” time.  After a quick stop at the midpoint, our team made a decision to bump up the pace and try to make up time.  Unfortunately, this meant that one of our team members could not keep up with the pace (which at times approached a 13 minute mile!! That’s quick for walking.).

We are around mile 19 here.  I’m still smiling.  Though you can tell I’m hot and tired because my face is red.  I hate that!

I loved seeing Brian and Elijah along the route.  It gave me something to look forward to, to see my loved ones faces.  Elijah had a little disposable camera he would take pictures with and he would exclaim “That’s my mommy!” whenever he saw us.  It was heartwarming and so motivating.

Here we are right about the 25th mile on the first day.  Can you tell how tired we all are?  The last 5 mile stretch was one of the hardest times.  It was hot and boring.  Who decided that the last few miles should be along a dusty freeway frontage road?  There was no place for families to cheer us on, which I think would have been a crucial time to have their support.  But we made it – 26.2 miles the first day.  I can’t believe I walked a marathon.

That night, we camped out in tents in the wellness village.  It was kind of an adventure that made the whole experience complete.

When we woke the next morning, we packed up our things, ate breakfast and prepared to walk another 13.1 miles.  It was funny to see everyone walking around stiff and sore – good to know you weren’t the only one.

It was hard to start walking again after such a tough day the day before.  Day two was especially tough for me because I started getting hip pain again and found it hard to walk quickly.  It was a good thing they gave us plenty of time to walk the second day.  Toward the end, our captain, Kristy played some music for us and we tried to finish strong, with a good pace.

Here we are at the finish line!

I am so cheesy!  But I had to post this shot even though I am so tired and look like a wreck.  We did it!  39.3 miles!  And we did our small part to end breast cancer.  I am proud of that.  I personally raised $2167.24 and my team raised $11,338.80 together.  I am so proud of us for this journey and for making a difference.

PS – to those of you wondering – no I did not lose ANY weight while training for the Avon Walk.  I had lost over 25 lbs before the serious training began, but then I plateaued for months!  Very frustrating!  But not in light of not being pregnant anymore, I am ready to start working on my weight loss again.  Will keep you tuned…

As I mentioned on Facebook I took some time off for personal reasons, which is why you haven’t heard from me on the blog for a while.  Don’t worry – I still have a lot of sessions in the queue to post.  But first, I wanted to share a few of my thoughts.  After considering it, I felt that I needed to write down the story of my miscarriage, even if it is just for myself.

Just a few days after the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer (that post coming soon), I felt the inkling to take a pregnancy test.  Why I will never know, because we weren’t trying yet and I really didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms.  But the spirit must have told me to.  I took it that afternoon and was completely shocked at the clear pink line.  I kept checking the instructions to make sure it was a positive reading.  My mind was whirling with all the things that would mean for our schedule that spring (I knew my due date would be May 16th because of course that’s the first thing you check), how I would handle 3 kids under 4: strollers, preschool, bedrooms, highchairs, carseats… everything.  I started looking up names for boys… and girls (I can dream right?)  In my mind, I was thinking of all the cute things I could make if it was a girl – blankets, hats, bows, dresses, bonnets – oh, I was going to be BUSY!   I looked up ways to tell my husband, Brian of our news and decided just to email him a picture of the pregnancy test.  I was still in shock and disbelief because the news was so sudden and I needed him to help make it real.  We were SO excited!

The next day (a Friday), I went to my OB to confirm it with a blood test.  I was anxious because that would mean I had to wait until Monday for the results.  As Friday progressed, I began to feel sharp chest pain.  It kept up for several hours off and on and I started worrying it might be a blood clot, since I had a pulmonary embolism after my last pregnancy.  I called the OB for reassurance that it must just be heart burn, but they were more worried than I was!  Apparently, pregnancy itself is an indicator of blood clots.  And they sent me directly to the ER for tests.  What they didn’t tell me is that any definitive tests are contraindicated for pregnancy, especially an early pregnancy.  So the doctors could only do an EKG and blood test, which seemed normal.  Then they left the decision up to me, whether or not to do the CT scan, which had possible risks for the fetus.  I decided not to do the test and went home after 6 hours in the ER, a large copay and feeling both worried and foolish for going to the hospital.  However, I was happy that I did have confirmation of the pregnancy through the hospital blood test.  The HCG levels even looked high!  And over the weekend, I started thinking, dreaming, and worrying about the possibility of twins.

The OB’s office confirmed the results on Monday morning and wanted to see me later that week to check everything.  When I went in, and the doctor did an ultrasound.  He found the amniotic sac but nothing else.  He said that it was just too early to see anything and scheduled an appointment for the following week.  I was a little worried but cautiously optimistic.  I knew that not seeing the baby and heartbeat could be a bad sign.  But I reasoned that my dates were probably a little bit off and that it was just too early to see anything.  Just a few days later, things were not looking so optimistic.  I started spotting, and the on-call doctor put me on light bed rest.  I still didn’t think much of it.  I had a similar issue when I was pregnant with my first son and everything turned out fine.  I was mostly disappointed that I could not do the mud run I had signed up and paid for months ago.  What a waste of money!?!

I woke up the next morning with flu!  So much for the mud run!   That day the bleeding was getting worse, but the doctor said not to worry because I wasn’t having cramping – the baby might be okay.  I was still optimistic.  But not for long… all at once the pain came!   It was the worst pain of my life – just like labor pain, but with the disappointment of losing my baby.

The doctor confirmed it the next day.  It was final.  Baby baker was around 8 weeks old.

It is a weird feeling to suddenly lose your hopes, dreams, future for this child.  Every day, I am still dealing with the realization that our baby won’t be here in May (though I have several friends that are expecting around that date) and that even when I get pregnant again, our kids won’t be that close together (I’ve always wanted our children to be close in age).  It also plays upon my worries, after having two healthy children to have a miscarriage – what if I have another miscarriage?  what if I have trouble getting pregnant again?  what if we can’t have the big family we’ve always wanted?  I guess I have to have faith.

I know the Lord loves us and has a plan for us.  There is a reason this had to happen.  I don’t know why, but I have faith that we will have the children that He wants us to have in the time frame that He knows is best.  Blessings come in unexpected ways and sometimes we don’t see the whole picture.  I love the Lord and have faith in His eternal plan.

Not long ago, some of my work was featured on the new mormon.org website.  In honor of this, I held a contest for a free mini session and the winner was Danielle McKee.  Danielle didn’t live in the area, but luckily she was traveling here for a short vacation later that month.  We met up at a park near my home to get some nice, relaxed portraits of their family.

I love this first sequence of Aisy trying to run away.

And then her big sister, Bayleigh trying to coax her back.  With two toddlers of my own – this cracks me up.  It’s my life!

They wanted portraits of them interacting together, having fun.  And I love these next shots.

Bayleigh was a ham… an adorable ham I might add.  I love her windswept hair.  This is true childhood.

One last favorite before we lost our sun.   Love.